I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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