PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
