shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
