I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
