you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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