Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
