I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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