2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
