woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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