using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
