so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
