absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
