These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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