I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
