I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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