DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
