Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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