Pants 0. Shit 1.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
