youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the condom got lost in my hair
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
