Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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