I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
