I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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