Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
