Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
