Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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