i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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