these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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