I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize