Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
