She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
