the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
