please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
