dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
