No stitches, just platelets and will power
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
