I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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