i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hello my rib-scented angel!
did i just pee glitter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
