Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Your dad touched me again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize