I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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