Soap is not a condiment
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
