Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize