Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
