She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
