i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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