I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
