fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize