i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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