She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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