Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
