sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize