I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How's work?
Spinning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
