The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
