im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
