Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
BRING THE BAGELS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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