i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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