Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Please don't give away my fajitas
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
