Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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