I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
