You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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