dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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