i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize