No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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