How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
