dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize