i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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