The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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