bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize