i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
