k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
