If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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