I look better un-naked...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
