I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
