Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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