Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
