I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
