this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
