theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
