I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
