he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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