you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
