your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
