I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
