if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Send help, water and tortillas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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