Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize