it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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