i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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