I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
