That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
