my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
