Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
