Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
