dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
