did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
