I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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