This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
