Where are you?
In a non slutty way
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
