Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize