i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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