Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
where are my eyebrows?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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