1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
