First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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