just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
