Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
