Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
