Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
