fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
