I am puke
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
