No stitches, just platelets and will power
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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