The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
