Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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