You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
