Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
