the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
