You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
