I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
