All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
