Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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