I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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