he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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